The New "Normal"
....sigh.
I looked in the mirror... and sighed.
It was Tuesday, Tuesday meant Doctor. Which meant I had to get ready, Which meant...sigh.
I Looked at my eyes. They seemed so dull compared to what they used to be. My smile a little more faded and my face rounder than it has ever been. It almost pained me to try to look presentable. I want nothing to do with fixing my hair, or make up or dressing "cute" This was me- now. Survival mode at its peak.
I wasn't always like this. No, far from it. I used to love getting "all dolled up" and wouldn't leave the house without mascara. I loved looking at clothes that made me feel cute, rather than things I could hide behind. The way I look is the least of my concerns. Part of that is healthy, part of that is not. I know this. My goal shouldn't be "Just don't look distractedingly bad." "Just look normal." but here we are...sigh.
There is a picture in our room from my 27th birthday. "March 11th 2020" is posted on the front of it. We were in Gatlinburg and road the "Sky Wheel" and paid WAY TOO MUCH for both the ride and the picture. But- now..now that picture is beyond any amount of money to me. If you recall March 2020 there was actually a bigger event than my birthday (Yes shocking I know) It was the start of something I thought I would never live to see, here is another hint..it starts with COVID and ends with 19.
Try to think way, wayyy back. To almost a year ago. EVERYTHING was shut down. Even the Wal-Mart?! Thats when I knew it was bad... There were no mask in sight, nor any vaccine. The common conversation (over zoom of course) was blah blah crazy year, blah blah "New Normal".
I don't know about you- but I don't like the new normal. It's a sad place to live and I don't want to stay here. Where is the old normal. I miss you come back..I want March 11th 2020 back..before the new normal.
sigh..
I ran a brush through my hair. Looked in the mirror and thought "This is MY "New Normal"."
No.
I said to myself
"Self? What do you mean, No?"
"No, that's what I mean. I mean you can loose a lot of things in this life, but don't you ever loose hope."
Romans 8:28
"All things work together for those who love God."
2 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
Now. Myself started to sound like someone a lot smarter than me. Someone who sees my new normal and reminds me. No you don't have to stay here, You don't have to live here anymore.
The pain of loosing my child has wrecked my world. I don't even know how else to describe it. The loss is so great. But we are given a spirit of power, and of love. Not of "lay down and die." or..accepting the new normal.
I looked in the mirror...still amazed at the dialog that took place in my head...wow. I was just thinking it may be time for some eye cream, when God reveled to me something powerful. Maybe even more than we need food and water. Hope. Without hope. what do we have?
God doesn't grant every wish in this life. He isn't supposed to- he don't work for us and thank goodness. If I got everything I ever wanted, I would be married to Justin Bieber at 15 with 20 puppies and have curly hair..well. I still think curly hair would be cute but its whateves.
What I'm getting at is maybe the "New Normal" isn't here, maybe it's what comes after here. It's when the pain is a little less, your eyes aren't as dull, your smile seems real again only now- this is your new normal and its called.. redeemed. God takes the darkest, the weakest the hopeless and says "Here you go, here is your new normal. It may be painful, but it is worth it. It's a place of hope, and worth and everything you have ever been looking for. I went to the cross for you. and it looked dark...REAL DARK. But I didn't stay there. I didn't just not get up. I changed everything..for everyone. and showed how good the "New Normal" could be."
So back to the mirror..
I saw dull eyes. yeah that's where we were.
But instead of dull hopeless eyes.
I saw someone who was alive to tell about it. Someone God could use. Someone who was about to live a..New Normal.
Awesome, Becca. Keep reminding us of the hope that is in Christ Jesus. I love your witness, even after this terrible year. I am reminded of Martin Rinkert, the Lutheran Priest who, in the middle of the Thirty Years War, wrote the poem, "Now Thank We All Our God" as a prayer before meals to remind his family of all they still had, the blessings of God. That was in 1636. In 1637 the Bubonic plague hit his part of Germany again. During that year, half of the towns folk died, including more than half of his Church members, including his wife. The other three pastors in town succumbed to the disease, and as the only pastor left, he was performing 40 to 50 funeral services a day for a while before they resorted to mass graves with only one funeral service a day. At the end of that year, after all they had lost, Rev. Rinkert led them in a New Year's Eve service. What did they sing? His poem, "Now Thank We All Our God," now set to music. It remains the second most popular hymn in Germany, second only to Martin Luther's "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God." It is a stirring testament to hope and gratitude that can sustain us, even in the darkest times.
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